This is going to be a possible recurring segment of the blog called:
This was sparked by hideous memories(plural) of boy bathrooms and late nights accompanied by painful mornings. Girls….you know EXACTLY what I am talking about…
Welcome to Dear Gentlemen – Bathroom Edition
Dirty toilets, no soap, showers that look like they haven’t been cleaned since 1949, hair on sink and in floor corners, towels whose owners you don’t know of (where the fuck am I going to dry my hands now? whose balls have been on these towels?)
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WORST EVER!
I just wanted to post a helpful guide to dudes that don’t want to scare women (not girls…) away when they bring them home for a night in the throws of passion (but you don’t want her to leave in the morning…because you REALLY DO like her). So guyyys:
CLEAN YOUR SH*T!
A girl doesn’t ask for much really…a clean toilet, towels and soap aren’t that much to ask and really are we still 21? We want to be able to put our asses on your toilet seat man, take a shower after we got all sweaty with you and dry up in a clean fucking towel. Now go to the dollar store or Target and get some cleaning supplies…
Guys are NOTORIOUS for not having any fucking toilet paper around or being like: “I just ran out.” Yeah right…That shit is gross and we wipe when we pee (unless you’re some gross bitch). Its a pretty basic thing.. please have it around…thanks.
(a friend’s (who will remain anonymous) ex dude always gave her paper towels before going to the bathroom which he had to get from his neighbor? i mean, REALLY?)
There’s usually some gross bar soap(I use dove bar soap for my showers but i have separate soaps for different purposes but I’m a girl and I don’t expect you to be so complicated….yet) around that has been used by all 4 roommates in pieces….and you have to figure out if they use it for the shower or just hand or “what the fuck man get some fucking bottle soap if you’re going to go all multi purpose on that shit!”
This is really a pet peeve, really… You want to spend the night, you want to take a shower and you ask for a towel(you think he is going to give you a clean one)…he goes into panic mode…Shit. Dudes, towels don’t cost a fortune and neither does washing them shits. Your guest will appreciate you that much more and you might just get some morning shower sex as a thank you for your thoughtfulness. just sayin’… We’re not even asking for a hand or face towel man, just a clean towel. (If you have face & hand towels? we will definitely show you even more gratitude.)
We do NOT, I repeat…do NOT want to use your communal fucking disgusting toothpaste. We’ll share your shit cuz we’ve been making out with you and doing all sorts of other shit but to think that your roommates and their multiple partners have also used said toothpaste? Nah man….Not going to happen. Be a gentleman and have your own shit and clean the top for chrissakes!
GARBAGE CAN (with a bag in it..please)
We are on our period and at your house….and theres no fucking trash can in your bathroom. We freak out in the bathroom(AKA dungeon from hell) because we don’t remember if you even have one in the kitchen and really do we want to change our tampons and walk out with a wad of T.P. to throw out in your kitchen while your roommates watch? NO!
(A plus would be if you had a trash bag inside said trash can but I guess thats pushing it huh.)
SHOWER CURTAIN LINER
These last couple of things are still necessary but for most men, kind of a last thought perhaps…But guys, shower curtain liners get moldy if you don’t change them shits. We don’t want to get athlete’s foot.
We’ve taken said shower with said pieces of soap, a moldy curtain and the likely chance of having to air dry….and now we might just slip and fall because you don’t have a bath mat. Or even a towel to put on the floor so we don’t get your already disgusting floor wet and growing a 6th toe…
Guys, unless you’re still in college this shit isn’t cute anymore. Please get your shit together and try to make your home welcoming. It doesn’t cost much and your girl will really appreciate it. Leave the bath salts, aromatherapy, scrubs and warming lotions to us (although it is extremely sexy when a guy goes the extra mile to have all those things….except warming lotion thats kind of creepy….) this just shows us that you not only care about me but you care about yourself enough not to be a dirtbag anymore.
To get the above on a budget:
Bath mat: from $2.99 at Target/ Toothpaste: $3.79 @ Target/ Toilet paper: from 2 bux for a 6 roll pack/ Shower curtain liner: from $7.99/ Shower curtain: from $12.99 at IKEA/Garbage pail: from $3.99 at IKEA/ Shower gel: from $4 at drugstores/ Towel set: from $10.00 at Ikea (hand towels are from $0.49 cents at Ikea)/ Cleaning supplies: around 20 bux (includes toliet bowl cleaner, windex, and all purpose bathroom cleaner.) Grand Total: around $70.
Cheers to all the guys who already have their bathroom game on lock.
We applaud you.